How to comfort stressed-out friends and colleagues

During uncertain times, encourage troubled buddies to talk about their thoughts, say researchers

04.04.2020

If you are wondering what messages to give your family and friends who could be stressed due to the restrictions imposed to contain the coronavirus, researchers have a solution that may work for you.

Avoid negativity

During uncertain times, messages that validated a person’s feelings were more effective and helpful than ones that were critical or diminished emotions. The researchers tried to understand why wellintentioned attempts to comfort others are sometimes seen as insensitive or unhelpful. “One recommendation is for people to avoid using language that conveys control or use arguments without sound justification,” said one of the study authors Xi Tian from the Pennsylvania State University in the US.

“For example, instead of telling a distressed person how to feel, like ‘don’t take it so hard’ or ‘don’t think about it’, you could encourage them to talk about their thoughts or feelings so that a person can come to their own conclusions about how to change their feelings or behaviours,” Tian said.

Acknowledge feelings

The findings, published in a virtual special issue of the Journal of Communication, suggests that your comforting words can have different effects based on how you phrase them. The researchers said people can try using language that expresses sympathy, care and concern. For example, “I’m sorry you are going through this. I’m worried about you and how you must be feeling right now.” Acknowledging the other person’s feelings or offering perspective — like saying “It’s understandable that you are stressed out since it’s something you really care about,” — may also be helpful.

According to the researchers, a high person-centred message recognises the other person’s feelings and helps the person explore why they might be feeling that way. Meanwhile, a low person-centred message is critical and challenges the person’s feelings. For example, “Nobody is worth getting so worked up about. Stop being so depressed.”

— IANS

A high personcentred message recognises the other person’s feelings and helps the person explore why they might be feeling that way