Stressed about the lockdown? Here’s some expert advice

These are tough times. The pandemic and lockdown are driving some of us to the edge. To help readers cope with their anxieties, The Times of India launches Talk it Out, a new series under which our panel of expert counsellors will answer your mental health queries. This week’s advice comes from clinical psychologist and psychotherapist Varkha Chulani

I got engaged this February. During the lockdown, all I can think of is how not to spend much on my wedding. This concern is creating conflicts among my parents and in-laws. I think I am overthinking about the wedding budget. Perhaps this should be left to the elders? What should I do?

— Akshay K Jain, AP

Varkha Chulani: Congratulations for your wedding, and even bigger compliments for the good sense and sensitivity about the expenses you wish to control. At a time like this, where there is uncertainty about the future with regard to health, employment and wealth, your prudent thinking speaks of a mature and balanced mind. If you could communicate to your folks and your in-laws why you are so budget conscious, they might understand your concern. No, this is not overthinking; this is foresight and preparation for a worst-case scenario. And wise people think ahead! I would be very keen to know what your fiancée thinks. Is she on the same page as you? Two voices may have a better impact on the elders. This will give them the idea that both their children are cautious and don’t want to squander away money at a very difficult time of life. Celebrations can always wait. It is most sensible to have a small, quiet wedding now, and then when things settle and get back to some semblance of ‘normalcy’, all of you can party as much as you like.

I am a young IT professional. The Covid-19 situation has thrown us off balance. Since the pandemic and the lockdown began here in Kolkata, I’ve been working from home. But, I can feel that with each passing day, I am slowly losing patience. Even though I’ve been keeping myself busy with daily exercise and other things, I feel I am lacking motivation. Can you help me improve my current state of mind?

— Debajyoti Das Gupta

VC: Yes, it is a very challenging and difficult time for most of us, but we can make good things happen out of very bad things. Your attitude towards this lockdown will make all the difference to the advantages you can draw from this difficult situation. First, accept the reality that we are in this for the long haul. The more you fight the truth, the more distressed you will be. Two, ask what you can give to the job rather than what you can get from it. Three, since there is so much time on hand, think about what you would like to learn, accomplish, achieve — this could be some skill, hobby or fitness. Motivation is nothing but the ‘will to meaning’. Do you have a purpose for your life? Or do you, like most people, simply get on with the job to earn money and somehow kill time? If you find a ‘why’ to live, much of your mood will lift. Because a purposeful existence makes for much healthier and happier living. Take care.

I am very concerned about my job prospects. I’ve heard that my firm won’t reopen because of heavy losses during the lockdown. As my savings are running out, a bleak future is staring at me. I can’t eat or sleep because of it. Please help.

— A Saleem

VC: Hi Saleem, yes, it’s a trying time for all of us. Businesses are on the brink, jobs have been lost and savings are few — this, unfortunately, is the reality before us. The only thing within our control is to actively seek what we can. Sit with a pen and paper and jot down all options before you. What’s your skillset? How can you offer that skillset to another company? Is your resume up to date? Can you reach out to your network to help you with an interview? Have you reached out to headhunters who recruit for the positions you can fill? Proactively planning for times ahead will reduce anxiety because simply worrying will not solve anything. It’s best to take the bull by the horns and do whatever you can, wherever you are and with whatever you have. Meanwhile, take advantage of the lockdown time and teach a few kids if you can. Check if you can become a tutor of some sort. Self-reliance can be a good beginning. Best wishes.

Chulani works with Lilavati Hospital, Mumbai