TALK IT OUT A SHOT OF HOPE

TALK IT OUT A SHOT OF HOPE

Times of India 21.06.2021 

Chennai Edition 

Unhappy at work? Have honest conversations with your boss

To help readers cope with their anxieties in these stressful times, TOI has launched Talk it Out, a series under which our panel of expert counsellors will answer your mental health queries. This week’s advice comes from clinical psychologist Kamna Chhibber

I’ve been working for over eight years. I have a four year old. My understanding with my husband has deteriorated over time. A younger colleague used to make small talk with me. I used to ignore him, but since we had to work together, communication was inevitable. We both started enjoying each other’s company. During lockdown, I sent him some messages, which he shared with other colleagues and assassinated my character. Now people are trying to avoid me. I was told to cover my hair and body since it causes distractions. Some told me to leave the job saying it would only bring shame and disrespect. I’m mentally and emotionally shattered. Kindly help.

— Anonymous

A situation like this can be extremely distressing, particularly on account of the deceit you experienced and the judgment being passed upon you. Not having a support system in place makes it even more challenging. It can make you question your own self too and that would be particularly detrimental to your well-being. It is critical that you hold on to your sense of self and not allow this situation to lead to a scenario where you become doubtful about yourself and your intent. Maintaining clarity on what you were doing in that scenario is important. It would also be critical to gather some support from people around you. If you can confide in a friend or family member, it would help you manage your emotions.

I am 29 and work at a junior management position. I am an introvert and face anxiety in handling around 50-100 people. It is irksome as I don’t like meeting people so often. Also, I worked tremendously hard, happily taking over assignments which were beyond my job description. But now I am being threatened by my senior for not being able to complete some work. I have been facing acute mental stress due to my boss who gives unrealistic goals. He conveys his achievements to the higher management and blames the rest on the incapability of his subordinates. My health has deteriorated. I am more unhappy than I was while struggling for a job.

— Anonymous

When expectations don’t align with goals and targets at the workplace and there is a conflict in the values you hold and what is promoted within the system, it can create immense stress. Evaluating where the disconnect lies is important. It is also crucial to determine what aspects of your job can be modified to accommodate your personality. Each time you accomplish a good conversation, remind yourself that the anxiety you experience does not prevent you from being able to communicate, though it feels difficult to do so. Find a way to facilitate a conversation with your manager, where the interaction can be pegged as foundational to your professional growth. This will give you the opportunity to talk about the approach that best suits your temperament when it comes to being given feedback.

I struggle while making decisions. For hours together, I dwell on thinking what is right and what is not. This overthinking and procrastination makes my brain shut down. I keep to myself and hardly talk to anyone. What can I do to stop this?

— Anonymous

Procrastination can occur on account of multiple reasons: finding a task difficult, not being certain about your abilities, not having support systems which reinforce the goodness of decisions you make or negative thoughts which create selfdoubt. Difficult experiences from the past can also contribute towards an inability to make a decision. It is crucial you determine what you experience and then adopt a problem-solving approach. Take the support of a friend or family member so they can encourage you to make choices and reinforce having self-belief despite the outcomes. Recognise that things not working out at times is not reflective of a large character deficit or having a problematic approach to life in general. Concurrently it is essential to remind yourself that not each choice you would have made has gone wrong. Utilise positive self-talk to encourage yourself.

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