How to stop your child from using offensive language

How to stop your child from using offensive language

If you catch your child using slurs or derogatory terms, talk to them about negative stereotypes and intolerance

12.07.2020

Right from texting and casual conversations to classroom banter, many children indulge in name-calling and verbal abuse. Sometimes your child or his/her friends use terms in a derogatory manner. You can start by explaining the consequences of negative stereotypes, then guide your child’s response if one of their friends uses a slur.

US-based psychologist Lisa Damour says it’s best to start with the simplest point. Stress that it is hurtful and wrong to use a word that describes a person’s gender, race, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation or national identity as an insult. This is true for words that have longstanding acceptable uses, for former epithets that have gained mainstream status over time (such as gay or queer), and for labels that take on different meanings depending on who uses them (such as b***h).

Hate speech

You could say, “While your friends might think they’re being funny or cool, words can do harm, and repeating slurs is fundamentally degrading to the groups they are used against… You may not use slurs ever, under any condition.”

There are subtler points you will want to discuss with your child. It is true that the same word can operate in one context as hate speech and in another as an affirmation of identity (for example, the N-word). Indeed, it’s not unusual for stigmatised groups to claim for themselves derogatory labels in order to challenge a status quo.

Language of compassion

As parents, we want our children to understand the experiences of people whose lives differ from their own. It’s important to start a conversation that can unfold over time about the uneven distribution of privilege within our society and the demeaning and intensely painful histories behind derogatory words.

Whenever an opportunity presents itself, you will also want to model for your child what it looks like to interrupt intolerance. Take the issue seriously. Treat it as an opening to nurture your child’s understanding, compassion and developing a sense of the kind of person he wants to be.

— THE NEW YORK TIMES