SUNDAY PROFILE
BEING NIRBHAYA’S MOTHER
One brutal night transformed Asha Devi into the fearless woman who now speaks up for the voiceless
Himanshi.Dhawan@timesgroup.com 01.04.2018
Asha Devi Pandey, a barely literate woman from a small Uttar Pradesh village, did not know what to say when mikes were thrust in her face the first time five years ago. Her daughter was brutally gang-raped and left to die. The nation was repulsed and jolted. Thousands took to the streets to demand justice, forcing the powers-that-be to rewrite the law against rape. And the trial of her daughter’s attackers began. Something snapped. From another faceless, voiceless migrant whose home and family was her universe, Asha Devi became Nirbhaya’s mother.
“I never imagined my child would be taken away from me like this,” she says. “Right after the incident when my mouth would be dry, when I felt I had no voice, the media came to talk to me. I opened my mouth and the words just tumbled out. Now, it is no longer so difficult. I speak my mind no matter who is on the stage.’’ That hard-won courage was in evidence when she recently took on former Karnataka DGP HT Sangliana for his misogynistic remarks at a Women’s Day event in Bengaluru. The ex-top cop commented on Asha Devi’s physique, saying he could well imagine how beautiful her daughter must have been. He capped his speech by saying that when overpowered, one must surrender to save one’s life.
In an open letter, Asha Devi tore into Sangliana. “You have not just insulted my daughter’s sacrifice but also our struggle to get justice. You are suggesting that my daughter should have surrendered and she could have lived. Then why don’t we ask the Army jawans on our border to surrender so that they can stay alive?” she asks.
The voice is louder now but five years have done little to numb the raw pain in it. But Nirbhaya’s mother is now the symbol of every woman’s fight against discrimination, injustice and the humiliation she must face to bring her assaulters to book.
Nirbhaya too is no longer just her daughter, an average 23-year-old paramedical student chasing her dreams. That girl is now in some corner of the house, packed into a box with her clothes, books and belongings. Nirbhaya is now a symbol of all that is wrong with society, and her mother must carry on the battle the young woman fought from her hospital bed to bring her attackers to justice.
In her home in Delhi’s Dwarka, a poster showing a flame is pinned in the backdrop, helpful for media interviews. There are certificates and plaques displayed in a glass showcase in the living room.
Asha Devi and her husband, Badrinath, have shared the stage with presidents, prime ministers, foreign diplomats, Union ministers, policemen and civil society activists. They have spoken to packed halls, received awards to honour their daughter’s memory and given away awards in their daughter’s name. Nearly every month there is a “women’s empowerment” function that the two end up attending. The functions go little beyond felicitations, but the couple rarely refuse an invite. “If I don’t get on the stage and speak about my daughter’s case, people will forget her. They have already forgotten her…’’ Asha Devi’s voice trails off.
Within days of Nirbhaya’s gangrape inside a bus on the night of December 16, 2012, arrests were made. Men, women and children in various cities took to the streets to demand a stricter law, even capital punishment for rapists. Consequently, a more stringent anti-rape law was passed and a government fund established to improve the safety and security of women. The protests sparked books, poetry, art, and a searing documentary featuring the rapists.
“No one knew me, no one knew my daughter but so many people came to protest. I was so hopeful that something would change. Surely my daughter’s death would not be for nothing,” says Asha Devi. Now, she’s not sure. Of the six attackers, a juvenile has already served his three-year term and been rehabilitated. One committed suicide in prison and the remaining four have recently filed a petition in Supreme Court seeking review of the death penalty. ‘’They are still alive and their families can meet them. It is our fate to wait,” she says.
“When you face difficulty, you tell yourself there is some good at the end of it. That hope makes you move ahead. But now I can see the truth. There is no hope, there is only disappointment,’’ she says. And it is not just about her daughter, it is about the Nirbhayas across the country.
Asha Devi repeatedly mentions the recent rape of an eight-month old in Delhi. “Things are just getting worse.” It is this lack of hope that keeps her up on many nights. But this is something only she knows.
Both Badrinath and Asha Devi receive calls from parents of young girls who have been molested, raped, killed. Often, the parents have no clue about who to complain to, have no resources to pursue cases or have been stalled by the police and authorities. “Mothers call me... They think because I have gone through this, I will understand what they are going through,’’Asha Devi says. The months spent inside police stations and outside court rooms have helped create a network of lawyers, cops and NGOs that she can use. A phone call from her ensures that an abduction complaint pushed aside gets the station officer’s attention or a rape trial that has been pending gets legal representation. This week, a 15-year-old girl from Jharkhand who was working as a domestic help was found hanging at her employer’s residence in Delhi. The teenager’s parents called Asha Devi, who approached the Delhi Commission for Women and helped get the case registered.
The battle has just begun, Nirbhaya’s parents know. Even for those ready to fight for justice, harassment, indignity and humiliation awaits in the neighourhood, at the police station and numerous court hearings. Hope or no hope, there is only one way to go about it. “They say…samaj kya kahega? Mein kehta hoon, kya kahega? Humne kabhi aankh nahi churayee, aur na churayenge (Parents say what will people say? I tell them, what will they say? We have never backed down nor we ever will),” says Badrinath.
HELPING HAND:
Parents who don’t know how to get justice for their girls turn to Asha Devi. She calls station officers to get cases registered, and lawyers for legal aid
BEING NIRBHAYA’S MOTHER
One brutal night transformed Asha Devi into the fearless woman who now speaks up for the voiceless
Himanshi.Dhawan@timesgroup.com 01.04.2018
Asha Devi Pandey, a barely literate woman from a small Uttar Pradesh village, did not know what to say when mikes were thrust in her face the first time five years ago. Her daughter was brutally gang-raped and left to die. The nation was repulsed and jolted. Thousands took to the streets to demand justice, forcing the powers-that-be to rewrite the law against rape. And the trial of her daughter’s attackers began. Something snapped. From another faceless, voiceless migrant whose home and family was her universe, Asha Devi became Nirbhaya’s mother.
“I never imagined my child would be taken away from me like this,” she says. “Right after the incident when my mouth would be dry, when I felt I had no voice, the media came to talk to me. I opened my mouth and the words just tumbled out. Now, it is no longer so difficult. I speak my mind no matter who is on the stage.’’ That hard-won courage was in evidence when she recently took on former Karnataka DGP HT Sangliana for his misogynistic remarks at a Women’s Day event in Bengaluru. The ex-top cop commented on Asha Devi’s physique, saying he could well imagine how beautiful her daughter must have been. He capped his speech by saying that when overpowered, one must surrender to save one’s life.
In an open letter, Asha Devi tore into Sangliana. “You have not just insulted my daughter’s sacrifice but also our struggle to get justice. You are suggesting that my daughter should have surrendered and she could have lived. Then why don’t we ask the Army jawans on our border to surrender so that they can stay alive?” she asks.
The voice is louder now but five years have done little to numb the raw pain in it. But Nirbhaya’s mother is now the symbol of every woman’s fight against discrimination, injustice and the humiliation she must face to bring her assaulters to book.
Nirbhaya too is no longer just her daughter, an average 23-year-old paramedical student chasing her dreams. That girl is now in some corner of the house, packed into a box with her clothes, books and belongings. Nirbhaya is now a symbol of all that is wrong with society, and her mother must carry on the battle the young woman fought from her hospital bed to bring her attackers to justice.
In her home in Delhi’s Dwarka, a poster showing a flame is pinned in the backdrop, helpful for media interviews. There are certificates and plaques displayed in a glass showcase in the living room.
Asha Devi and her husband, Badrinath, have shared the stage with presidents, prime ministers, foreign diplomats, Union ministers, policemen and civil society activists. They have spoken to packed halls, received awards to honour their daughter’s memory and given away awards in their daughter’s name. Nearly every month there is a “women’s empowerment” function that the two end up attending. The functions go little beyond felicitations, but the couple rarely refuse an invite. “If I don’t get on the stage and speak about my daughter’s case, people will forget her. They have already forgotten her…’’ Asha Devi’s voice trails off.
Within days of Nirbhaya’s gangrape inside a bus on the night of December 16, 2012, arrests were made. Men, women and children in various cities took to the streets to demand a stricter law, even capital punishment for rapists. Consequently, a more stringent anti-rape law was passed and a government fund established to improve the safety and security of women. The protests sparked books, poetry, art, and a searing documentary featuring the rapists.
“No one knew me, no one knew my daughter but so many people came to protest. I was so hopeful that something would change. Surely my daughter’s death would not be for nothing,” says Asha Devi. Now, she’s not sure. Of the six attackers, a juvenile has already served his three-year term and been rehabilitated. One committed suicide in prison and the remaining four have recently filed a petition in Supreme Court seeking review of the death penalty. ‘’They are still alive and their families can meet them. It is our fate to wait,” she says.
“When you face difficulty, you tell yourself there is some good at the end of it. That hope makes you move ahead. But now I can see the truth. There is no hope, there is only disappointment,’’ she says. And it is not just about her daughter, it is about the Nirbhayas across the country.
Asha Devi repeatedly mentions the recent rape of an eight-month old in Delhi. “Things are just getting worse.” It is this lack of hope that keeps her up on many nights. But this is something only she knows.
Both Badrinath and Asha Devi receive calls from parents of young girls who have been molested, raped, killed. Often, the parents have no clue about who to complain to, have no resources to pursue cases or have been stalled by the police and authorities. “Mothers call me... They think because I have gone through this, I will understand what they are going through,’’Asha Devi says. The months spent inside police stations and outside court rooms have helped create a network of lawyers, cops and NGOs that she can use. A phone call from her ensures that an abduction complaint pushed aside gets the station officer’s attention or a rape trial that has been pending gets legal representation. This week, a 15-year-old girl from Jharkhand who was working as a domestic help was found hanging at her employer’s residence in Delhi. The teenager’s parents called Asha Devi, who approached the Delhi Commission for Women and helped get the case registered.
The battle has just begun, Nirbhaya’s parents know. Even for those ready to fight for justice, harassment, indignity and humiliation awaits in the neighourhood, at the police station and numerous court hearings. Hope or no hope, there is only one way to go about it. “They say…samaj kya kahega? Mein kehta hoon, kya kahega? Humne kabhi aankh nahi churayee, aur na churayenge (Parents say what will people say? I tell them, what will they say? We have never backed down nor we ever will),” says Badrinath.
HELPING HAND:
Parents who don’t know how to get justice for their girls turn to Asha Devi. She calls station officers to get cases registered, and lawyers for legal aid
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